Friday, September 4, 2009

Sensory writing: Hearing

http://margaretnoble.net/blog/choral_top/

With a hasty crank of a rusty lever, something began to spin. Another crank and from the faint twirl of the object vibrated the slow, solemn notes of an accordion. It sounded old and tuned low as each drawn out tune flowed into the next. On its narrow foundation, it revolved energetically as brisk air vibrated through the hollow shell. The sound began to dwindle in the air on every faltering note until finally, it faded away entirely. Now all that was to be heard was the clanking and racketing of the device spinning off kilter. Like a blender full of ice, it clacked wildly like something was loose inside its hollow tin shell. It continued on like this until it nearly became a somber form of music as well. Then the clatter slowed and rolled on, ceasing as well. Still the sounds echoed across the distant wall of the room as if a dismal accordion player harped out his final notes in a desolate cave then cast his instrument into the rocks. The echoes, finally exiting the mouth of the cave, ceased. Long after the reverberation and clattering had died away, the empty imitations of them faded into nothing.

4 comments:

  1. 1. The part that graved my attention was the beginning. the reason why it graved my attention was when you said "With a hasty crank of a rusty lever, something began to spin." because you were talking about every sound you were hearing and relating it to things.

    2. I liked how you related the sound to something else like when you said "Now all that was to be heard was the clanking and racketing of the device spinning off kilter. Like a blender full of ice, it clacked wildly like something was loose inside its hollow tin shell." because it really helped me imagine the sound of it.

    3.I think you did a good job in describing everything you were hearing and how you related itto other things so good job.

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  2. 1. One thing that captured me was in one area, you used personification: clattering had died away. I think that's something about writing that really catches my attention. The way you describe is amaaaazing.

    2. The words you use are very descriptive, and it sort of matches the sound. I like how you described: "It sounded old and tuned low as each drawn out tune flowed into the next." And then it goes into: "it revolved energetically as brisk air vibrated through the hollow shell." It was a very nice contrast.

    3. Um you don't really need to improve on your writing. Point blank! (=

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  3. Jack, Fabulous job on the description. You truly captured the sounds of the choral top. You truly stayed focused on bringing to life the sounds produced in the sound clip. Your language selection was absolutely beautiful. Jack, I'm very impressed well done! I cannot wait to see some more of your work. 20/20--dcs

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  4. Lovely writing Jack!! I'd be so happy if you posted your writing as a comment directly on the page about the choral top!!!!

    Here's the link again, I hope you do! :-)

    http://margaretnoble.net/blog/choral_top/

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